i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
