now i know why i became what i already was.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
