it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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