you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
