There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
