My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
