She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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