all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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