Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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