I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
