When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
