We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
