I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
a search helicopter?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
