guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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