Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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