it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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