Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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