AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
