For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
