In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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