her vagine was all disorganized.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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