Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
