my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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