We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
