She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
