did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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