Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize