happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
