Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
