they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
