Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
