I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
