i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
