She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
