Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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