Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
