Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
