Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Couch. On fire.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
