she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
