Please, let me fuck your mom
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
