He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
