Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
