remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
