why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
