I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
