I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
