We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
