when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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