So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
