I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
