hotel room ftw
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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