Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
