The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Randomize
