if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
