I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
